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How To Teach People How To Treat Us

One of the hardest lessons I’ve learned is how to put myself first and why this is so important. I was a top-notch people-pleaser for most of my life including a large portion of my adult life. A lot of this came from just the average run-of-the-mill conditioning by society with the expectation of women to take care of everyone at their own expense, to always put everyone else first and don’t complain about it either because if you do you would be labeled selfish. I’m glad I see a bit of a shift in this conditioning. Women are waking up and realizing they have been getting shafted for quite a while. 


One of the most important things I’ve learned is that putting yourself first is not selfish. It serves us, our families, and our communities as a whole. You see when we put ourselves first and take care of ourselves at the highest levels. Rest when we are tired and sick, spend time doing things that bring us joy, and help us expand and grow. We then can show up as a better, well-rested version of ourselves. When we show up this way we benefit, but also, everyone else does too. You're showing up happier and energized. This is better for everyone. 


“So this false narrative of working ourselves to death and then wearing this as a badge of honor and shaming people who don’t buy into this ridiculous toxic culture has got to end now. Just stop!”


Also when we take care of ourselves at this high level. Which is us just tuning in and giving ourselves what we need daily. Setting and maintaining boundaries to protect our energy and happiness. We then are showing the world how we expect to experience our life. We expect to be happy and comfortable, and well-rested. We are showing the world how we expect to be treated every day by the way we treat ourselves. We create the behavior we expect with our boundaries, and the world will model that behavior. So if you find yourself feeling taken advantage of, or walked all over, this is a sure sign that things need to change, you need some boundaries and some self-care, pronto!


The first question to ask is where do you feel slighted in your life, taken advantage of, and where are you feeling exhausted? What kind of boundary can you set and maintain to protect yourself? 


I have to mention, this isn’t always easy and in some cases can feel impossible. For example, a job that is taking advantage of your time and work. I understand that some people are in a tough spot and this kind of situation could take a lot of time to resolve with some support. 


But there are always places where we do have complete control over our time and we can choose to start there. You can choose who to spend your time with the people who support and champion you and what experiences to expose yourself to in that time. Ask yourself, Is this serving me or is this taking away from my happiness? Slowly, you can make choices to be more intentional about the way you spend your time. 


Recently, I’ve decided, I need to take this one step further. After all, I want to really enjoy my life, I want to make myself really happy whenever I get the chance. So when I do spend time doing the things I love, I’ve decided to uplevel that experience. Take it to the next level. 


Whenever I’m doing something I love, I ask myself, how can I make this even better?


For example, when I do yoga at home, I just love it, but my favorite part is the end, Shavasana. So instead of just sitting in Shavasana, I’ve decided to uplevel it. Add a weighted eye mask, a pillow under my knees, a blanket if I might be cool, and my headphones with a guided meditation. I love meditation right after a yoga class, I just flow so easily into it.


For my afternoon coffee, I’ll add frothy cashew milk and a touch of cinnamon. Maybe read a chapter of my book mid-day. This makes me so happy. Sometimes just to sit outside with my coffee, put my feet in the grass, and listen to the birds. 


These two things don’t take a lot of time or money but they make me feel special, happy, and like the queen. 


I once heard a person say, sorry, I’m not sure where I heard this. They were answering the question, how do you stop feelings of unworthiness? He said, stop doing all the things that make you feel unworthy. Super simple, but kinda true I thought. 


These things I do for myself, uplevel my self-care and self-love. They make me feel loved and special. This is what we all need. 


So our lives are not perfect, and some of us do not have control over our time the way we would like to. Start to shift that one baby step at a time. Treat yourself the way you deserve to be treated, treat yourself like the queen you are because your happiness depends on it. 


Where will you add in or shift into things and people who are aligned with your well-being and where will you uplevel the way you treat yourself? 


Remember, we teach people how to treat us by the way we treat ourselves and spend our time. Do it well and with love and care.

Read More On Similar Topics Here:

How To Spot Where You Need A Boundary, Use these 4 questions.

Choosing You - Creating Rituals That Support Your Energy

Live With Purpose Series - Set Boundaries To Create Space In Your Life

Xo, T


P.S. Join me for my weekly journal and affirmation practice. I call it the Self-Love Revolution!

All you have to do is sign up here> https://www.tinastinson.com/self-love-revolution, and then every Sunday you’ll get a new journal prompt and affirmation to work on for the week. I would love for you to join me in the revolution to change to the vibe of the world to a more positive one.



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