How To Spot Where You Need A Boundary, Use these 4 questions.
Mar 13, 2023
When I was a bit younger I was an award-winning people pleaser. All I focused on was how I could make everyone else happy and I rarely focused on myself.
One of the things I noticed disappear during this time period was my connection with myself, my intuition, and my trust in myself.
These are some pretty important things to have in your life so I was pretty unhappy and I was totally burnt out.
It took a major health emergency to wake me up too.
I definitely don’t want this for you or anyone for that matter and that's why I always share what I went through and what I learned.
It took me close to a decade to reprogram myself to know in my soul that when I put myself first everyone benefits, this is a long time. But you have to remember, I spent all of my life being a people pleaser before that. Even as a child. So you know, it takes some time to reprogram.
Why did it take so long? Well, I didn’t even really know that setting boundaries is what I needed so I was learning as I went and not getting right most f the time.
Now, I’m happy to say, it comes naturally to me. I actually can’t have it any other way. I ran out of shit’s to give so to speak. If it doesn’t feel right to me, it's not right for me and that's it. No other opinions are needed.
After all, we are in charge of how we want to experience life so we make our own rules, we all do.
At least we should!
Today I want to share with you 4 questions to help you discover where you might need boundaries in your life.
Let's get into it!
- Do you feel underappreciated in certain areas of your life or in any relationships?
- Do you feel like you’re being taken advantage of by a person or situation?
- Do you feel like someone is walking all over you?
- Do you feel like you have no free time to yourself?
- Bonus Question: Is there a person or situation that sucks the energy from your body?
I want you to go through these questions and really journal out everything you can think of.
By taking the time upfront to do this work you create space for yourself, time, and let us not forget, less stress, anxiety, and burnout.
- When you find yourself feeling underappreciated it's a sure sign that you need a boundary. Remember boundaries are about you, not the other person. You have to set it and maintain it. So if there is a person who you think doesn’t appreciate you, you need to speak up. They most likely don’t even realize they are making you feel this way. No one can read our minds in this world. If you want something you have to ask for it. If your partner does not appreciate you mowing the lawn for an entire summer then tell them about it and then maybe offer to split the duty with them so they can experience some of the glory also:) You can’t solve a problem by just hoping it will resolve.
- In some cases this person or people might actually be taking advantage of you, yes, it happens. In this case, the action step is the same thing. Speak up. For example. When my kids were in school some of the other parents would take advantage of me being self-employed by having me drive their kids to after-school activities. Most of the time with little to no thank you. Sometimes not even a wave in their driveway when I dropped their kids off. The boundary I set was, I stopped doing it. It took a lot of time out of my day and by not picking up and dropping off other kids I had more time for my workday. By the way, the only person who appreciated me doing this was another single Mom. Interesting right? I kept driving her kid:)
- These are kinda the same questions asked in a different way just to help you draw out all the areas you might need some boundaries.
- When you have no time, it’s time to do an audit of what you're spending your time on currently. Take notice for a couple of days of how you’re spending ALL of your time. Then, ask yourself, what is serving me, and if I truly loved myself would I still be doing this? Also, ask yourself, what is sucking the life out of you, and your time? Start making some changes to what serves us. Sometimes we need to set boundaries with ourselves.
- Bonus: When you’re around a person or in a situation where it just sucks the energy from you. The vibe feels horrible but you're not sure why. This needs an investigation and possibly a new boundary. When you’re around this person or situation, ask yourself, why do I feel this way? Keep asking until you get some good answers. Maybe this person is well-liked by a lot of people and feels like you should like them because of this but you just have different values. This person might not be for you. It’s like dating someone who looks good on the outside and has all the so-called right stuff, but you're just not feeling it. It’s the same with a situation. Maybe everyone in your friend group likes to go to a certain restaurant but you think the food is disgusting and very bad for you. Well, don’t go. Maybe make another suggestion that can make everyone happy.
Setting and maintaining boundaries protects your energy. It helps you avoid things like overwhelm and burnout.
It helps you save time and create more flow in your life.
I love flow, it just feels good.
These 4 questions are just a starting point, but let me tell you if you do this work you will feel like a weight has been lifted off your back that's been there for way too long.
Remember to always add deep-level self-care into your life daily.