Last week I talked about getting started and creating some forward action by setting some big goals and dreams. If you missed it you can listen HERE to Episode 023.
But we haven’t yet talked about what to do when that negative inner voice pops up and puts a stop to all those big dreams. What a party pooper, right?
Today, we are going to talk about this and learn how to understand where that voice comes from and how to deal with it. Listen to the podcast version of this blog post >>HERE<<
First things first, that inner voice is not you. To understand where it comes from you first need to understand your fear response from the brain. When your brain perceives fear it will do anything it can to stop you from doing whatever you're doing. We have all heard of fight, flight, freeze, fawn. Sometimes these responses can be necessary. Most of the time not.
When you're about to do something and the voice in your head says you can’t do that, you’re too fat, too old, too young, whatever. This voice is trying to protect you. This is your ego.
This is the aspect of your mind that wants to keep you safe, protected, and comfortable where you are.
You can imagine this person as an annoying helicopter parent.
Where does this voice get its material?
Your brain is hard-wired to focus on negative things in order to keep you safe, and alive.
So when anyone in your life, either a parent, friend, sibling, teacher, boss or whoever says that there is something wrong with us, we care, we are beings who need a sense of community. We need to feel accepted. This thing, for example, you talk too much, you’re too loud, this will get stored as a warning. Your brain will keep in the card catalog of your brain for later use.
So then someone or something in your life will trigger you, say a friend says to you at a party one day, you’re too loud, you talk too much. Your brain will then goes and searches that card catalog for all the times that this kind of comment was said. This is where all the material for that inner voice, the ego is stored, this is where those comments come from. The voice is a combination of everything being stored in that card catalog. It's like a shadow of shame following you around.
So it would be nice if we could toss the card catalog into a fire but we can’t.
So the problem is, none of this is true. Someone at some point just said it to you without a care in the world, maybe they were even just joking. But it still gets stored as a negative.
We are also not hardwired to counter these thoughts with all the positives about ourselves that would cancel all the negative stuff out. We have to be very intentional about it, very conscious.
So you know how you hear all the time, pay attention to your thoughts? Well yea, pay attention!
You have to actively observe the ego's thoughts. This is the real you, the person observing the thoughts of the ego.
So observe, then say hmmm, that’s interesting, thanks (Make up a name for your ego here), then come up with at least 5 things that counter that negative statement. Then I always add, and so it is!
“You talk too much”
Counter: You’re very social, the life of the party, you always say kind things, you make so many people happy with your presence, and You’re a great teacher/speaker/leader. And So It Is!
So you see how easy that was?
The thing is, it has to be a constant. As long as you have a brain that functions, you will have to do this. But the good thing is, the more you do it the more it will become a habit.
Be sure to put this into action as soon as you have some of those big goals and dreams in place.
Know that anything you can think of is possible. You just need to take all the steps and use the tools to get there.
THIS IS A BIG ONE! A tool that is.
I hope this was helpful. Be sure to share this with anyone who needs to hear it.
Don’t forget to add deep-level self-care into your life daily.
Until next week.