5 Ways To Set Boundaries To Live Happier

Setting boundaries might sound a bit confrontational or limiting. Actually, it’s what I think is one of the most important forms of self-care/self-love and it is not limiting but actually very expansive and can help you live your life more fully being authentically yourself.

What exactly is a boundary? A boundary is a limit we set around what we consider acceptable and unacceptable behavior. What we will do or not do, accept, and tolerate.

A boundary is very personal, it has nothing to do with another person. It is our own setpoint for what is acceptable in our life and it is our responsibility to set and maintain them and no one else's.

If you feel someone has stepped over one of your boundaries it’s because you let it happen.

It is not someone else's job to uphold and respect our boundaries, it’s our job.

If you set a boundary and don’t hold to it then you will send the message that no one else has to respect it either.

We teach people how to treat us.

It’s really about taking care of yourself and setting those standards.

If you’re feeling like you're not being treated right and maybe you’re feeling resentful this is a sure sign that you need to reset some of these boundaries. 

A lot of times we might agree to do something, or be and act a certain way just to please someone else, or to not anger someone. This will usually bring up feelings of resentment for the activity or the person. This is not a great place to be if you’re trying to be the best you in the world.

Learning to set and uphold boundaries protects your energy by saying yes to things that bring you joy and saying no to things that don’t. You have every right and I would say it’s your obligation to do this for yourself.

Here are a few things to consider:

1. Take responsibility for your boundaries and start respecting them. This might also be you just starting to create these boundaries. This is the first step.
2. When you’re making a decision about something really check in with yourself and make sure that it’s really something you want to do. Make sure it’s not out of obligation or expectation. If you're in a situation where you feel uncomfortable ask yourself, do I need to set a boundary here? How do I really feel?
3. Immediately course correct as soon as you realize a boundary has been crossed. This might take some practice. Also remember you don’t need permission to change your mind about something because you feel differently. This is your right to take care of yourself.
4. Learn to refocus attention on yourself and how you feel. Learn to at the very least take your own feelings into consideration at least as much as everyone else's. Eventually, this should change into taking your own feelings into consideration first and making sure you feel great about a situation. This does not mean you don’t care about others, it just means your checking in with yourself first. You want to make sure you're aligned with your decision. This supports and protects your energy and helps you live more authentically as yourself. You’re respecting your needs and staying in touch with who you are as a person.
5. Know that this is self-care. It is how we can put our best self into the world as a happy person that is not drained. We as women are taught to care for everyone else first, put everyone else's needs first, and then whatever is left is for us. This consists of not much or nothing for a lot of women for most of their adult life. When we don’t check in with ourselves and know our limits we begin to disappear, and we can lose our sense of self. I’m not saying this doesn’t happen to men also, I’m just saying it’s a more common expectation for women, and some women even wear being selfless as a badge of honor. 

This needs to change. I think this is why so many women feel lost or stuck when they reach midlife. They have spent so much time putting everyone else first that they don’t even know who they are and what they want anymore.

This can be easily changed by reconnecting with yourself and then setting clean boundaries and maintaining them!

If you would like more help with setting boundaries and other self-care strategies join me in the Empowering Women FB group where we have a weekly live segment on these topics.

Join Here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/womenempowerment40andbeyond

 Xo, T