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Choosing You - Making Fear Your BFF

This is a statement I think we all have heard at one time or another. What does it mean though and how do we achieve this?


I think the first thing to bring to our awareness is that fear isn’t bad. It’s meant to protect us from danger. The problem is that it’s trying to protect us from things that are not dangerous and we have to be able to not only determine that but then step through it. 


If we listened to fear every time I think we would all be curled up in the fetal position not experiencing anything in our lives. Kinda like being managed by an extreme helicopter parent.


We need to be mindful of the message asking ourselves, is this really truly something that might hurt me or is it just taking me out of my comfort zone?


To me, it can feel like excitement and I like to define it this way. We all know when we leave our comfort zone, amazing things happen, and we grow and learn and have new experiences. Overall good, right? Even if things don’t always turn out as planned you almost always have growth and some kind of success. 


Fear is also telling you this is something important, exciting, new, or unknown. When something is important to us the fear of failure can be strong. But the feeling of playing it safe is so much worse.


So how do we make fear our friend?


  • Take hold of the excitement and use that energy to move you forward. Instead of saying I’m afraid of doing something say, you’re excited to do that same something. This puts you in the position of moving forward. Fear is energy, use it.
  • Then to move through the fear, ask yourself the next questions.
  • What is the worst thing that would happen if I do this?
  • What would happen if I didn't do this?
  • What is the best thing that would happen if I do this?
  • What can I do to make this work out in my favor?
  • This kinda makes the fear smaller and more manageable thus making it a lot easier to make your move.


The one thing I know for sure is that fear never goes away. Even the most successful people face fear every day. So you have to make the choice to choose you and embrace the energy of the fear otherwise it will suppress you like that helicopter parent we talked about earlier.


One time when I came face to face with some big fear was when I was recovering from my stroke. I felt like a ticking time bomb and the doctors were very unsure whether to give me a blessing to start running again. I spent a good long time feeling terrified to raise my blood pressure in any way. I felt weak, old, and kinda wimpy. I know, I’m being a bit mean to myself but this is how I felt. 


At a certain point, I looked at what it would look like if I wasn't active in my life anymore and what that would do to my health, I also thought about how great it would be for my health if I did workout and stayed active and strong. I had this picture in my head of my kids having to care for me as I age, that sounded horrible. Next, I thought, what’s the worst thing that would happen if I did? Well, I could just drop dead. Highly possible.


So my choice, is a life of being sickly, helpless, and stuck as a victim or a life of overcoming this stroke, being fit and strong, and capable. To me this was an easy choice, I’d rather be dead than be a burden. I also just wanted to not live in fear and enjoy my life. So off I ran into the sunset and so far I’m still here so all is good.


So the next time an amazing opportunity comes up and you are face to face with fear. Bring awareness to your thoughts and move through the questions above.


Embrace that fear like it's your best friend.


Can I ask you a small favor? Please share the work I'm doing with a friend, family member, or whoever you think could benefit from some deep-level self-care and love. I believe strongly that these things make the world better for everyone. Thank You!


Xo, T



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