I have to say, the last 3-4 years of my life have been interesting, to say the least, and if you would have told me that I was going to go down the path that I went down there is no way I would have believed you.
I retired from a career, started a business, lost a business, and started another business. My friend group has completely changed and is a whole lot smaller and more intimate.
My relationships with my kids are even more amazing than they were and keep getting better.
I’m happily single and really enjoy being by myself. I never thought I would say that.
Some of my blood family members have been completely removed from my life, ..for the better. It's been a crazy ride to put it lightly.
I have to acknowledge though It has been really hard, devastating. Blindsided is also a good word.
I also somehow know to my core that it's all the right path.
While it's happening though, it just sucks. You can’t help but think, why is this happening to me?
I talk about this statement quite a lot here on the blog and how I learned to change my mindset about this and help others to do the same.
I change it to, why is this happening for me? What do I need to learn? How do I need to shift? What do I need to pay attention to? On a very funny note, spell check keeps trying to change the word for back to to in the previous sentence. Even spellcheck needs a mindset shift!
Using this mind shift, you will start to see how the universe, or whatever higher power you might believe in, has this funny way of just messing everything up just so you can re-direct, re-organize, or start over.
The universe clears space for us and if you want to get the most out of all of the craziness you really need to slow down, pay attention, and ask those questions instead of going into that all-so-familiar victim mode. You know that mode, we’ve all been there. We also all know it gets us nowhere and does not help us grow and move forward.
As I said, from about 2019 to now, my whole friend and social group has changed.
I grew apart from many friends,(Still love them, just grew apart) reconnected with family, and removed family, but the one common denominator I came to was that I had zero tolerance for fake surface-level relationships. I also had zero tolerance for any type of negativity. I physically could not stomach it. So I removed it.
I then had so much space for the new people in my life that had similar values and strived to be a positive force in this world. The universe cleared space for me.
This was hard, some of these friends and my family had been a part of my life for over 20 years but as I said, it just didn’t even feel right anymore.
Also, the relationships that I had in my life that were aligned, that were positive, and the people that had shared values, these people stayed in my life. I now had more space for these people, to grow and deepen my relationships with them.
My oldest daughter taught me this. Once when I was stating my frustration with some crappy treatment from family members she said, “ I don’t know why you focus on them, focus on the people that love you and want to spend time with you.” So simple, yet I didn’t see it until she said it. So I did just that. Still do. It’s been so much better than I could have imagined.
We all need to be surrounded by people that love us, support us, champion us, this is the crew we need. This is what we all deserve. We also need to know that we have to advocate for ourselves and create this. It doesn't just happen.
Another thing I’ve noticed happening is my increased discomfort with being in a comfortable spot. I know, sounds weird. But where I am right now, physically, and mentally, is so comfortable that it's stagnant and I almost can’t stand it. This is how I know it's time to grow.
Everything slows down to a stagnant pace, everything and everyone is cleared out of your life and you can almost feel like something is going to happen, it's a feeling of anticipation that comes right before a growth spurt. As I described before in other writings, it’s that spot where you just pulled the arrow back and you aiming and about to let go, right before the arrow takes off with amazing speed. That's the spot I'm in! When I feel this way, I know it's time for me to start doing things differently, I need to initiate the change that I feel coming. I need to advocate for the change I want to see. We create our life experiences.
Sometimes when we feel stuck, we’re not, it’s just the pause right before we take off. So don’t let it fool you, don't play into it, and start to initiate what you want so you point the arrow in the right direction.
Another thing about this stuck feeling is that maybe we’re not stuck, maybe this space we’re in is meant for rest. Space for us to restore and relax before life gets crazy busy and wonderful, but like I said busy. So take advantage of the calm before the storm and just rest!
I’ve learned so many things over the past few years and we can choose to either see these things as roadblocks or we can see them as lessons and learnings.
I think all we have to do is tweak our mindset a little bit and instead of feeling panicked by our stuckness use the time wisely to reset and aim your arrow well.
Here are a few ways you can tune into these lessons.
-Shift your mindset from Why is this happening to me to For me and ask the questions. What am I supposed to learn? How do I need to shift? How can this help me grow?
-Lean into the stuckness. Look at this as space to rest. A space to have the time to reflect on what you want and decide what direction you want to point your arrow.
-Pay attention to what's left when other things have been removed. This can be hard. It’s hard to look on the bright side in a state of loss. I very strongly believe that what's left is meant to be there. Take it and nurture whatever that is.
-Look at where you are from a higher perspective. Literally. I mean, take a step back and look at your life as a whole from a distance. Sometimes from this point of view, things that seem so bad or like a big deal aren’t at all. We just get caught up in them.
I grew up on an island. I could drive in all directions and end up at the beach. I loved it and I spent most of my time at the beach in the ocean. But the one thing I could always count on from the ocean was this perspective. Any time I felt upset, I would head to the beach. I used to sit on the dock with all the fishermen and just stare out at the ocean. This solved all my problems by making them so small. Looking out into the vast endless ocean made me feel small, in a good way:) I realized, after some time that none of the crap that I worried about really matters, it's all small. The ocean is such a healing space. Most of the things we waste so much time worrying about are so small, ants on the ground!
I hope this helps you look at those times in your life when you feel stuck or when you're experiencing a bit of havoc as points of positive transition and change.
I would love to hear your point of view and some of the ways you’ve experienced this in your life.
P.S. I want to be sure to share with you all the details about the next FALL Mind Body & Soul Reset bootcamp
We will be starting mid to late Sept. and I’m excited to share with you that the live reset has now been combined with my online signature Bootcamp. You get all the resources of the online portal and you also get to do the live 6-week reset with me!
Inside the reset for the mind, we will work on shifting negative mindsets and developing a positive growth mindset.
For the body, we will focus on a whole food plant-based diet and there will be 7+ months of Plant based meal plans, recipes, and prep schedules for you to use during the Reset and after.
We will also focus on quick but effective HITT workouts that only take 15 minutes a day.
For the Soul, we will dive into the 11 different deep-level self-care practices from the lessons inside the bootcamp.
I only do a live launch a few times a year where you get to work with me in a live coaching atmosphere to get the personalized guidance you need.
When it comes time to register, there will be options for new boot campers and alumni who have gone through the reset before.
Get on the waitlist today because the spaces are limited. As soon as we get close to our start date you’ll get all the details for registration. Get on the waitlist here: https://www.tinastinson.com/fall-2023-reset-waitlist