I decided to tackle this topic mostly because not only have I been experiencing this more lately, but also just about everyone I know.
Over the past few years, a lot of us have changed. Some of us have really been focused on how to really be an authentic version of ourselves and to honor that 100 % of the time.
I've seen this with myself, my clients, and my friends.
I believe the climate of the world around us really has awakened us, made us hop off the hamster wheel of life, and paused for a moment. I mean, we were kinda forced to. Which I believe was a good thing!
The question that has come up is, what the heck am I doing? Why am I doing it? How does this serve me? This is nuts!
A Lot of us have discovered that we are doing things that are not true to us at our deepest level, not aligned with our values at all.
A lot of us spend almost all of our time, our most valuable asset, doing things that don’t light us up inside or represent our core values at all!
When we paused, we were basically kinda knocked out of this hypnotic state of doing, doing, doing, mostly for someone else. Not for us, or for what is important to us.
So collectively we decided. I’m going to change that. I’m going to start spending my time on things that are important to me and my values.
When we did this it was somewhat disruptive to the relationships in your life. Whether romantic, friends, or family.
Now, some of these wonderful people in our lives have shifted with us, but some have not. Some of the people in our lives might not see things from your perspective and maybe like the way things were. This is where the conflict might be.
So how do you know if you need to end or distance yourself from a relationship?
Well, it's all about how it makes you feel.
So tune in and ask yourself, Does this person always drain your energy?
Is there always conflict? Do you still feel connected to them? Do you share the same values or at least some? Do you find yourself always saying I should or have to when talking about the relationship? And lastly, do you have resentment toward this person?
I wouldn’t be too hard on yourself or the other person. At some point, you shared similar values. But something has changed and it’s no one's fault.
You can’t place blame on someone for being themselves.
You just need to decide, do I want to continue to share my time with this person? Does the relationship benefit us both? Can it be repaired?
What this can look like:
A family member who has toxic views that may be harmful to you. You can decide to share your feelings and see how they respond. If nothing changes you can just decide not to spend time with this person. You might have to see them at times, but overall you have control over the time spent with them the majority of the time.
A friend or a romantic partner who just doesn’t support some of your new ways of thinking, Maybe the relationship was one-sided and you were doing most of the giving and not receiving much. Now that you shifted you expect them to be more of an equal partner and they don’t like that too much.
This can sometimes be resolved by just talking about it and sharing how you feel. But sometimes, they either don’t see it or just don’t care to change.
Then you have to make the decision that best supports your wellness. Maybe ending the relationship or just spending less time with them. Your choice.
Obviously, this can be quite difficult in some cases. There is more involved. You might be married to this person, this can be someone you live with.
What I would suggest the most important step to be is, if your feeling like any of your relationships are like this, don’t wait and sit on it.
Ask yourself what you want and then one baby step at a time create that. Either move forward or move away from it.
Say you have nothing in common with any of your friends. I’m talking about friends you’ve had for 10, 20, and sometimes 30 years. You might be sad about it, with good reason.
Talk to your friends and tell them how you're feeling. You might be pleasantly surprised. They might feel the same way! If not, slowly try to connect with new people that have similar values.
There doesn’t have to be some kind of dramatic break.
You know your values, you honor them fully. You will repel the people who don’t belong in your life and attract the ones that do. It can be that simple.
Once again the most important step is not to stay in this draining space too long.
It does not serve you or the other person. You both deserve the best.
Always move forward. Whether that's together or apart is to be determined by you.
These transitions in our lives can be super hard to deal with but ignoring them just drags them out. Handle it ASAP so you can both move forward and spend more time enjoying your life and not living in stress and anxiety.
Let me know if you’ve had to navigate your relationships more lately and what has worked for you.
I’ll see you next week.
Remember to add deep-level self-care into your life daily!
To start getting aligned with your values and step forward in living your life on purpose, join me for my FREE Dream Big Workshop. Get on the waitlist and I'll notify you of the date and time with the link to join. This is a live small group workshop working directly with me. Get on the waitlist here>>https://www.tinastinson.com/core-values-workshop-waitlist
P.S I can spend a whole week talking about this topic as I said before, but it can be so much more complicated than this.
If you need a mentor in this area and want to move forward, just set up an intro call with me with this link>>https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=15565807&appointmentType=23613542