How to Make Big Decisions Without Letting Fear Hold You Back

Big Decisions = New Chapters and Fear is a Natural Side Effect of that Growth

How can we normalize fear as a part of the process?

We love to imagine that one day, we’ll wake up fearless and ready to make that big leap, whether it’s changing careers, moving across the country, ending (or beginning) a relationship, or stepping into something brand new and leaving something that is, oh so comfy. But here’s the truth: fear never disappears. He's always there hanging over almost every decision we make, especially the big ones.

One thing I noticed bout myself is that ever since covid, I have this need to feel very comfortable and safe and, in some ways, doing this for myself is good. But I also noticed myself being paralyzed by just about any decision. This is because they all involve discomfort and fear. It's just part of growth. At first, I didn't notice I was even doing this, but now, I see it very clearly. If I don't let myself experience discomfort, I will not go anywhere. Everything will just stay the same...But somewhat comfy? Well, that sounds boring, right?

In this blog I'll share some of the things that help me in this situation and why now I find myself having to intentionally walk myself through these steps to be able to move forward

If you’re waiting for fear to vanish before you act, you’ll be waiting forever. Fear is part of the package deal of growth. It shows up not because you’re weak or unprepared, but because what you’re about to do actually matters to you.

So instead of trying to avoid fear, what if we learned to work with it?

Why Fear Shows Up When We Decide

Fear isn’t the enemy, it’s your nervous system doing its job. Your body is wired to keep you safe, which means any big unknown (even a positive one) sets off alarms. It’s like your brain saying: “Hold on, we’ve never done this before, are you sure?”

That moment of fear is a signal, not a stop sign. It means you’re stretching past your comfort zone into something meaningful. The goal isn’t to eliminate fear, it’s to recognize it, thank it for trying to protect you, and then move forward anyway. I like to actually say this out loud to myself. It helps me separate it from me like its this overprotective helicopter parent. This is a great point to use some of the tools I'll share below.

How to Work With Fear (Instead of Fighting It)

Here are a few ways to keep fear from running the show:

• Accept it. Fear is normal. The sooner you stop making it “the problem,” the less power it has.
• Take small steps. Fear grows in the gap between “where I am now” and “where I think I have to be.” Breaking a decision into tiny actions closes that gap. One email, one phone call, one conversation can shrink fear dramatically. Sometimes things feel so overwhelming and this step for me has always been my bridge to success. You'd be amazed how quickly you move forward with the tiniest steps. This is because its movement where most people freeze and stop.
• Move it through your body. Fear isn’t just in your head, it lives in your body. Before making a decision, try five grounding breaths, a quick walk, or even shaking out your arms and legs. You’ll notice the fear doesn’t feel so paralyzing when your body is calm.
• Here is my favorite "Shake It Out" Playlist I use daily.

Processes to Help You Make a Decision

When you’re facing a big choice, here are a few tools that bring clarity and calm the overthinking spiral:

1. Journaling + Pros and Cons

Get everything out of your head and onto paper. Write down your fears, your desires, and the pros and cons of each option. Don’t just look for the practical wins, ask yourself: Does this align with my values? Does it support who I want to become? The pros and cons list is my go-to starting point. It's like a door into your subconscious when you're in a state of overwhelm and can't think. Sometimes just doing this helps me see things that seem so obvious but were hidden in the moment of that frozen fear feeling. It doesn't just freeze your actions, it feels like it freezes your brain too.

2. Visualization

Close your eyes and imagine both outcomes. In one, you make the choice. In the other, you don’t. Which one feels expansive, exciting, and aligned, how does it feel in your body? even if it’s scary? Which one feels heavy, constricting, or draining? Your body often knows the truth before your mind does. To go a bit farther, I'll write out a best-case scenario daily of all the benefits of making a decision.

3. Ask Better Questions

The quality of your questions shapes the quality of your decisions. Instead of letting fear frame the conversation, reframe it with possibility:

• Instead of: “What if it doesn’t work out?” Ask: “What if it does?”
• Instead of: “What will people think?” Ask: “What will I think about myself if I stay stuck?”
• Instead of: “What if I fail?” Ask: “What will I learn if I try?”

This is so simple yet most of us always ask the negative questions. Almost always. See how these new questions feel and maybe journal them out on paper.

Why Talking It Out With Everyone Rarely Helps

When we’re scared, our instinct is often to crowdsource reassurance. We tell five friends, our mom, maybe even our hairdresser, hoping someone will say the magic thing that makes the decision easy. Notice how this never happens?

But here’s the catch: most people project their own fears and biases onto you. Instead of clarity, you end up with noise, confusion, and more fear than you started with.

The exception? Having that one person who is removed from your situation and willing to be brutally honest. A coach, mentor, or trusted friend who isn’t invested in your outcome but is invested in your clarity. Quality feedback beats quantity every time.

No one is in your situation. No one knows us like we know ourselves and they're just giving their perspective of how they would feel and act. They are not you. However, some of us do have that one friend. They know us and call out on our bullshit when they see it. This is rare and if you have this, hold onto it!

Bringing It All Together

Big decisions will never feel 100% safe. Fear is part of the process. The key isn’t waiting until you’re fearless, it’s learning to move forward with fear riding in the passenger seat, not behind the wheel.

Clarity comes from action, not endless thinking. Small steps build courage. Better questions open new possibilities. And when you act from your truth, instead of everyone else’s opinions, you discover the strength to create the life you actually want.

So, the next time you feel fear creeping in around a decision, take a breath, ground yourself, and remember, fear isn’t proof you’re on the wrong path. It’s proof you’re standing on the edge of growth.

Now, tell me: What’s the big decision on your heart right now, and what’s one small step you can take this week to move toward it?

This is me calling you out to take that one baby step this week. I know I'll be doing the same.

Xo, T

P.S. Making big decisions isn’t just a mental process, it’s also deeply physical. When your nervous system is stuck in stress or fear mode, every choice feels heavier and harder than it really is. That’s why learning to calm and reset your body is so powerful.

My Gentle Nervous System Reset for Women was designed to help you do exactly that. Through simple, soothing practices, you’ll:

• Release the tension that fear creates in your body.
• Reconnect with your inner calm and clarity.
• Build resilience, so you can make decisions from a grounded, centered place, not from panic or overthinking.

If you’re ready to quiet the noise, find your balance, and move forward with more ease, this reset is the perfect place to start. Check it out HERE.