Hey guys, welcome back to the SoulAligned self-care podcast.
I am going to be labeling this episode, the first episode of the year, even though it's
being released on New Year's Eve.
I'm very excited to do this episode.
I just, it's kind of based on the blog that I just wrote and it's just about starting
your new year fully aligned with yourself.
And so I'm going to give you five questions to ask yourself.
Yes, I am doing one of those episodes.
I, I just love listening and doing these types of exercises around the New Year before
the New Year.
I do these also around my birthday.
I just love reevaluating and looking at and planning and doing the whole thing.
It just makes me very excited.
And so I'm going to give you five questions to start your year off, more aligned with
yourself.
And it's not about hustling, it's about really tuning into yourself and kind of paying attention
to the signs that your body, soul, your mind, send to you.
So most people begin the New Year by trying to like fix something, like new goals, new habits,
new versions of who they think they should be.
And I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
I just want to like start off by saying that.
But today what I want to talk about is kind of aligning with yourself and kind of maybe it
doesn't always have to be reinvention.
It could just begin with remembering.
Remember what your body already knows.
Remembering what your nervous system has been asking for, remembering who you are when
you're not performing, pushing or trying to prove yourself to somebody else.
This is kind of like an invitation to start the year off with a little bit of a different
energy.
I have to add, inside of our group, the Soul of My Life, we're doing a December reset which
involves planning and kind of a little bit of reinvention.
So as I said, I'm not against doing those things.
I think they're a lot of fun.
Also I'm doing the 13 wishes inside of the community.
So if you want to join us in there and do some of that stuff, definitely I'll put the link
in the show notes for the Soul of My Life.
It's over on Patreon and I absolutely love it.
But today it's like an invitation to do something a little different on top of those other
things or just on its own.
From a point of, like not from a point of pressure or hustle but just from like a knowing and
a truth.
Tuning into your body, asking the questions about all of your actions, how does this feel,
is this expansive, is this supportive or does this kind of like sack my energy?
It doesn't, this kind of thing doesn't always come naturally for me and I know how important
it is.
I was raised by the generation that believes that we always need to be doing, doing, doing
something productive all the time every day.
It's exhausting.
My dad who is going to be turning 86 this year, like, when I lived next door to him, I used
to ask him in the morning, he was to say, "What are you doing today, dad?"
He would say, "Well, I've already been really productive if he's done something already."
Or, you know, I have to go check my list.
He still has a list at 86 and yeah, he's just, it's exhausting watching him.
Sometimes he never stops, but maybe that's why he's still so he's in really good shape for
86.
He's very extremely self-sufficient, sharp.
He's quite amazing.
So maybe that's why.
I don't know, but I get stressed out by feeling like I need to be productive all the time.
I don't think it's 100% healthy.
So this work has to be really intentional for me and I believe a lot of other people struggle
with this also.
I believe it can be the most supportive and beneficial work that we can be doing for ourselves
and we should be doing this on a daily basis until it starts to become like the norm,
just like a natural habit.
Just tuning into yourself automatically.
This is something that is important for our health and our happiness for the year.
So today I want to share a few questions to help you tune in.
So let's get into it.
Okay.
The starting point.
This is, this work is rooted in what I call "sold aligned self-care."
And when I first started doing this work, I kind of separated two types of self-care,
like surface level, self-care and then deep level self-care.
And I would label things like the bubble bath, getting your nails done and things like that
as surface level self-care and deep level self-care would label as like setting boundaries
and doing things like tuning into yourself, you know, honoring your intuition, things like
that.
So there's two different levels and I believe we need both of them, right?
So we need the deep level self-care because we need to build our resilience.
We need to fill our cup.
And what the surface level self-care does is it really helps support that.
It like adds to that.
But if we have no deep level self-care, then adding the surface level self-care isn't going
to do anything.
Absolutely nothing.
Sorry.
I have my phone on because I'm waiting for the movers to call.
I have to answer the phone if they call.
So I apologize if you're hearing any type of like noise in the background.
I have to keep it on.
I don't want to miss the call.
I can't wait to get my stuff.
Okay, so this work is for the woman who has been told she's too much and not enough at
the same time.
How many of you have been there?
I'm assuming all women.
It's for the woman who has given her energy, her time, her love, her labor to everyone else
and now feels disconnected from herself.
For the woman who has done with burnout disguised as ambition.
I believe in a different kind of strength, not the strength that pushes through pain,
but the strength that pauses and listens, not the strength that overrides the body, but
the strength that honors it.
I want you to like reject like a one size fits all healing protocol.
Reject superficial self-care and quick fixes.
I believe a calm nervous system is the foundation for clarity, creativity, courage and sustainable
change.
I believe that doing this type of work really helps with that.
When your nervous system is supported and you are paying attention to your body and you're
paying attention to the signals and the signs that it's given you, your clarity is spot
on.
Your creativity is boosted.
Your courage is boosted.
You can create really amazing things in your life when you're tuned in like this.
This year doesn't always need to be like optimized.
It needs to be regulated, resourced and like real, real you.
And it starts with just a few questions.
So let's get into it.
Question one.
What already feels heavy and what feels quietly nourishing?
So your intuition speaks first through sensation, not logic.
So that's what I mean.
You have to sit still and be quiet in order to listen to your intuition.
If you're always rushed and you're in a state of fight or flight, you're not going to hear
it at all.
So if something feels draining, constriction, constricting, exhausting, that's not weakness,
that's information.
So ask yourself, what am I tolerating that costs me my energy or too much energy?
We spend energy on everything, right?
But what's costing too much energy?
What brings even a small sense of relief, steadiness or ease?
I want you to pay attention to those two different things, those two different feelings.
So one step that you can take, one small step is choose one thing that feels heavy and
soften it.
You don't have to eliminate it.
You don't have to give it a complete overall, just soften it, make it a little bit easier.
And then choose one thing that feels nourishing and giving it a little more space this week.
And I want you to keep doing this over and over again on repeat.
It begins when you stop arguing with what your body already knows and start listening.
So whenever I ignore my body and force myself to push through, I always pay for it later
with my health somehow.
I might not sleep well, I might get stressed, I get a headache, I get kind of cranky.
So when I overwork and I'm tired, I'm also foggy, cranky, it's just not worth it.
And so doing this work can be so powerful to your everyday existence.
Okay, question number two.
When do I feel like myself?
So purpose isn't something you chase, it's something you kind of recognize and acknowledge.
You feel it in moments when you're not trying to be impressive, when you're relaxed, when
you're present, when you're being honest with yourself.
So the question is when do I feel natural and unforced?
And what qualities are alive in me in those moments?
So one small step that you could take is write down three words that describe you when you
feel most like yourself, not who you want to be or who you're expected to be, who you
already are.
These words are not goals, they are clues.
I've noticed that when I'm doing something that's completely aligned, I go into what I call
the zone.
The zone is when you don't notice time passing.
Either a lot of time passes really fast or like you feel like a lot of time has passed,
but like hardly anything has passed.
It's just you're just not noticing time.
You're not thinking you're just flowing.
So sometimes when I'm running or walking out in nature, when I'm gardening, when I'm painting,
or any when I'm in any type of creation mode and creating something, I go into the zone.
I love to create.
This is my jam for sure.
So pay attention to when you feel like you're in your zone and that state of flow, take
note, literally take notes like write it down and eventually you'll notice a pattern
of things that are most aligned with you.
Okay, moving on question number three.
What does my body need more of this year and less of?
Your nervous system sets the ceiling for everything, creativity, consistency, joy, capacity.
When you're just regulated, even good goals feel heavy.
When you're regulated, small actions feel very possible.
So ask yourself, where am I rushing or overriding myself?
And also when do I feel safe, settled and grounded?
Pay attention to what you're doing.
So all these questions are about tuning into your body.
So you're going to have to take some time at the beginning of this year, maybe a couple
of times a day to sit still, maybe close your eyes, take a few deep breaths.
I'm going to create a meditation for this.
So keep your eyes out for that one.
You need to sit in stillness to be able to listen to what your body is trying to tell you.
So one step that you could do for this question is choose one daily regulation anchor that
takes less than five minutes.
You know, a few deep breaths, like a quiet guided meditation, your feet on the floor before
you even touch your phone, right?
Pause in between tasks.
Everything to your favorite song.
Small regulation beats big intentions every single time as long as you're consistent with
them.
So when I do the pause between tasks, it's so powerful.
You could take a few deep breaths, take a walk, have a snack, just check in, see how you feel
and then give yourself what you need.
Sometimes I'll even take a quick nap.
Listening and honoring to your needs will build this powerful trusting relationship with
yourself.
You'll begin to notice that you're just caring for yourself on a deeper level, which builds
trust with yourself.
It's like you know you have your own back, right?
And you automatically feel supported in such a powerful way.
Question number four.
This one's really, this really calls yourself out.
If I trusted myself, what would change?
So misalignment often comes from outsourcing or knowing, like to expectations, to trends,
to other people's timelines.
So ask yourself, where am I seeking permission instead of listening in word?
Where are you looking for that acknowledgement?
What decision feels obvious but slightly inconvenient?
So a baby step that you can take, make one small decision this week without asking for outside
validation.
Let it be imperfect, let it be yours.
You know, and you know it might work out absolutely 100% perfectly.
You might start to notice that when you trust yourself and you don't look for that outside
validation, think about it this way.
Like nobody else knows you the way you know yourself.
So how can they actually guide you better than you can guide yourself?
That's the way I look at it.
Like they just don't know you.
You know every edge of yourself, you know everything.
And so you are the one that's going to make the best decision for yourself.
Self trust isn't built through like affirmations, it's built through practices.
Once I learn to let go of like societal expectations, this is when I really felt free.
I understand why it's hard not to care other things.
I still care.
Don't get me wrong.
I think someone who says they absolutely don't care about anything that anybody else thinks
is, I don't know, not being 100% honest, honest.
But I do believe that we can really step into that at least 80% of the way.
I'm sorry about my dog barking.
I have absolutely no control right now until I have my stuff in the house.
So all I have to do is just remind myself of the people who matter to me, the ones who
I actually do care what they think, my kids, my dog.
Once I do this, I let go of caring what everybody else thinks.
It's freeing powerful and it feels completely aligned.
Let's see if we can get Millie to come in here and join us.
Millie.
I'm in here.
When you bark in it, you hear noises.
She has people going to work.
She's not used to this.
So I apologize for the barking, but she is just doing her job.
Right girl?
She's standing next to me right now.
So she hears someone going down the stairs right now.
So funny.
Okay.
So I'm going to question five and hopefully Millie will just sit here quietly with me.
How do I want to feel living my life this year?
This is such a great question.
This is where your word or your phrase comes out and you don't have to have a word or a phrase
for the year, but I kind of love having like a main focal point for myself.
So last year I wanted to focus on bringing more joy into my life and I actually might keep
the same focus.
I really think I still need to work on this, but I'm going to be doing these questions myself
and sitting down with these and I'm going to see what comes out.
Millie is sniffing my mic right now.
It's so cute.
I wish I could take a picture.
Okay.
So ask yourself, okay, how do I want my days to feel?
How do you want to feel as you move about your day?
What emotional tone do you want to return to again and again?
No, nothing's perfect all the time.
I know that.
We all know that.
But what kind of like tone, like something that kind of sits over everything else and sets
that energy in your life?
What is what do you want that to be?
So one, maybe stuff that you could take for this is to create a two to four word phrase
that captures how you want experience life this year.
So I'm going to give you some examples, okay?
Soft strength and clarity.
Maybe grounded joy, no rush.
I like that one.
That one's, I'm feeling that one.
Another one would be spacious, steady and true.
And another one would be devotion to what's real.
Now this phrase is in a rule.
It's kind of like a filter that you're going to run everything through.
So like if you're doing something in your life and maybe you might notice it doesn't
really feel right and I might say to myself, does this feel like grounded joy, no rush?
And I'm going to say no, absolutely not.
This feels like hustle, like until I die.
Energy.
So that's what I mean by a filter.
So if something supports how you want to feel lean in and if it doesn't pause, it's about,
it's all about that check in in with yourself.
Like I talked about this will change over the course of the year as you change.
So be sure to continue to check in with yourself and see if you need to redirect your focus.
This happens to me all the time and I feel like when this happens, I'm doing everything right.
Because as I implement these new ways of being, I begin to change myself.
As we change, we have new needs, right?
And then that's why we need to change our focus because we have new needs.
So it's bound to happen, especially if you're really 100% in.
So sometimes I need a whole year or more to integrate, as I said, finding more joy was
last year's focus for me.
And I feel like I still need to continue this and the no rush thing, the no hustle thing.
That is definitely hard for me.
So I feel like the one example that I shared, grounded joy, no rush, I love that.
I feel like I need to write that on every mirror in my house.
So for this year, choose a different way forward.
Okay?
This is something you could do alongside our December reset.
It's something you could do alongside the 13 wishes.
You could do this alongside anything.
I think it's very helpful to tune into your energy.
I think it's very important, more important than setting goals.
It's the set of feeling.
I think this is the way we should start everything.
So we're done with perfection.
We're done with endless, like striving and hustle.
And we're going to choose calm over the chaos.
Authenticity over trying to get some kind of approval, grace over guilt.
This isn't about doing more.
It's about coming home to yourself and just being like doing things more accurately, more
aligned.
This year, may you listen sooner to your body, soften up faster and just trust yourself
deeper.
And I hope that you begin your life begins to feel like unmistakably yours, 100%.
So if you need a little support with this,
be sure to check out my website.
I'll put a link below.
I'm going to be putting some different types of coaching calls I'm going to be doing.
These are going to be like one off sessions.
You could buy packages as well, but I'm doing different types of coaching calls with one
off sessions to both focus on specific things.
And I'm having a lot of fun with it.
I'm really, really enjoying doing these one off calls.
So if you would like more support, definitely be sure to check that out within the first
week of the year.
These are going to be going on my website so you can check it out.
So it's not just going to be me working on regulating your nervous system.
It's going to also be helping people get unstuck, find their purpose, kind of get whatever
they want, really, really stepping into that.
So I would love for you to like join me in some of these calls.
And I'm going to be going now because there goes my dog barking again.
Thank you for tolerating all the extra noise in today's podcast.
And I will see you next week.
Love you guys.
