Hello and welcome to the Soul Aliged self-care podcast.
How are you doing today?
Good, good.
Excited to be.
Yeah, I'm excited to have you.
I like to kind of get started by asking a question that could be kind of defined like
who you are a little bit.
And so I wanted to ask you like at this moment in time, if you could say like, you know,
one sentence, what your purpose is, how would you define that?
Yeah, that's a really good question, you know.
I've been, my whole brand is around purpose, right?
And purpose has different elements, you know, different, you know, purpose has a thing
about, I expand a little bit on the Japanese model, right?
It's not just like what you, what you love and what you can do, but also like the legacy
you want to leave.
Oh, so like you're unique, how to how you solve problems.
So actually I was thinking about it recently because I was thinking about like I feel like
the, everything else kind of stays the same throughout your life, but your legacy and
how you want to leave it kind of changes.
I've been reflecting on that, but I think in general, the statement probably is still the
same that my purpose is to be the kind of a lighthouse for folks, right?
So my superpowers, I know how to unpack mission vision purpose, help people make it happen
and keep it going, but underneath that, right?
That's how I do it.
But I think my, my power is that when people feel that light dimmed or, or don't see it
in full rightness, that's what I do.
Yeah.
Oh, that's what I meant to do every day.
Yeah, purpose, purpose is like a really interesting subject.
Because I think a lot of people define it differently.
And as I move through my life, I think I define it differently.
Yes.
Like the more, the more I really, the more I learn about myself and the world, the more
I change the definition of purpose.
And I think that's a pretty normal thing that happens as we get older, you know?
We begin to define our purpose differently.
I think a good question to explore because I think there's a lot of people out there that
feel this way is, why do you think so many people feel dimmed?
Why do you think so many people feel like they either can't step into what their purpose
is or they don't, a lot of people feel like they don't know what their purpose is?
Yeah.
Well, a big part of it is that it feels unattainable, right?
And so we have these, I find it really interesting.
When you go talk to kids, right?
Like, and I've done this experiment.
So you know, like, our background is science, science is right.
I love doing like data experiments.
And when you do, when you talk to kids that are like seven, they have big visions, they're
very clear when you ask them, like, what would you do?
$40 billion?
What thing in the world would change?
They can drive it out so clearly.
And they have this vision of what it's going to look like and everything.
But time, they're in fourth grade, the lights already dimmed because you start to ask
fourth graders and fifth graders and they start to, they're already starting to fumble.
Mm-hmm.
You be like, oh, my parents say this, my teachers say this, my friends say this.
So you're ready to start to see that that age, right?
And early.
Yeah, so it's early.
Yeah.
And the distinction between the seven year old and the nine ten year old is already really
big.
So that question is pretty loaded, right?
Because why does our light dim?
Light already started to dim around that age.
We're now we're starting to hear the noise, right?
When we're younger, we don't hear the noise as much.
You're still like in your imagination.
Mm-hmm.
And you still are like, yes, I'm going to do this and obtainable and excited for it.
And nine, you're starting to feel the pressure all around you and you're already starting
to feel like, oh, the approval of either my peers, my parents, society around me, whatever
it is.
Mm-hmm.
And then, that's what's as loaded, right?
It starts to dim because of your exterior.
And then also because you start to feel it gets unattainable, right?
You start to, and especially as we start getting older, we start to feel like the I start
to, I start to see it even with my friends to be like, I like this thing of, I got to accept
the lane I'm on.
Mm-hmm.
Or like, I start to see like, oh, I can't, it's so unobtainable because this is the lane
I'm in.
I'm never going to be in that lane, right?
And so like this whole feeling of, I need to accept my situation for what it is.
And I think there's a confusion around that, right?
Because some people are like, well, by through accepting, then I can have more gratitude.
But when you start going down that slippery slope, like, you have gratitude.
But when you start changing into, I need to have interpreting it as, I need to have gratitude,
meaning that I can't drink big, and you start dimming your life.
But I think also it's like impatience, right?
We want instant dopamine, instant gratification, right?
And so I mean, I struggle with this too.
So that's like, we start to think like, oh, 10 years is so far.
I don't see it in one year.
And so you're like, forget it.
I just need to give up on it.
When a lot of these journeys are five years, five or more years, and it goes by really
fast, but in that moment, we feel it very far.
So that's where to be like, oh, I really should just focus on this, on this small piece and
just do day to day.
But as you start doing that, right?
You start seeing people's energy levels go down and they start to dim.
And they start to value they bring.
Yeah.
Yeah, it is hard to be in it for the long haul.
But I think if you just shift your mindset a little bit sometimes to the fact that it's
not really about the end point, it's more about all the things that happen along the way.
And we all know this.
You know, we all heard that it was all about the journey, that cheesy saying.
But it's actually true.
It's actually true because you find, like, think about all the times that you've had
this big goal in your life and you've reached it.
What's the first thing that you do?
You have a new goal.
You like, okay, what's next?
Exactly.
Exactly.
It's not this lightning moment.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And some people don't even celebrate, especially women.
Women aren't as good at celebrating as men are.
And so, like, celebrating your wins is important.
What do you think the difference is between someone who is stucking that place where they
feel like they don't have a purpose and they are stuck and they're not moving forward
and they just kind of feel very stagnant compared to someone who really never had that problem.
They just thrive all the time and they move forward.
What do you think that difference is?
Like, do you think it's a lot of different things or is it like the way they were raised
or a mindset thing or what do you think it is?
Yeah.
And sometimes you could be the person that is both.
So, like, I can say that in my case.
I have gone through both.
So there's time.
There has been a time in my life where I felt like I didn't have a purpose and lost and all
that.
And then I've had the other moment where I'm full on, like, I know exactly where I'm going
and super inspired and super energized, right?
And in my case, I've noticed it comes down to understanding what my inner motivation is.
Mm-hmm.
So, for example, like, I love this.
I love everything around values, right?
Because everyone thinks that, like, I read some stuff.
Like, eight out of 10 people don't really know what their values really are.
We think they do.
We think they're societal ones.
Like, oh, it's family and love.
And this, but actually, it's a lot more nuanced.
And your values tell you about your motivation.
So for me, I was really surprised in doing that analysis because I used to think that my
motivation was safety because of my upbringing.
No, my upbringing was, like, you know, it was always like uncertain financial instability.
So I was really like financial stability is number one.
And that's why I chased like the American dream and having the financial stability.
But when I had all that, then I felt like then I was losing my purpose and myself.
Mm-hmm.
It was coming to expense.
And now I've been able to mirror, to have both, like, and have financial stability and
also live, like I said, the journey, right?
Every day my purpose rather than a destination.
But when I mistaken that motivation, I was first when I would hit rock bottom or those
times I felt lost, I thought I first had to gain safety, right?
And so that lack of not understanding my motivation is those times where then I would feel
that lostness, that, like, like, staring into space, like looking for any type of joy or
even feeling just exhaustion and fatigue all the time.
But when I understood that actually my motivation is self-actualization, I'm actually 75% of
actualization.
I actually have no safety as a motivator, safety trauma response.
I realized that actually when I hit rock bottom, I have to have a vision of like the impact
I want to make on people.
I have to understand like, what kind of service I want to bring.
But I want to help, like, bring that seven year old back.
I do that and I'm clear on my vision.
That's when I get out of rock bottom.
That's when my motivation kicks in.
And that's when I'm when I understand like, what is the impact I want to have and how I
want to have it?
Boom.
I'm full on, right?
I'm on the course.
I understand it.
I celebrate that every day because I know who I'm helping and how I'm helping them and
it's person by person.
And it's rooted in service and care and in my values when my values made for work.
But it's the those times for me, it's because I've gotten the motivation wrong.
Like thinking I need to do safety first when it's really I have to have like a new legacy.
I think that's where it ties back to that whole purpose conversation where we started,
right?
It's like, what's that new needle I want to move?
What's that legacy want to bring?
Like how do I want to use that everyday purpose and to what?
What impact is when I don't have that clear?
That's when I feel lost.
And so I think that's true for a lot of people.
They mistaken it.
And so like they don't understand it.
Right?
Other people may have growth as their motivator.
Some people do have safety as a motivator.
And a lot of people do have love and belonging.
They need to be around people, right?
They need to have those that support network first.
And so when you understand that, when you understand what it is that you need to motivate
you, that's tied to your values, that's the difference between either feeling, I don't
know, you know, lost and being like a zombie all day.
Yeah.
Feeling like, oh, I am here for a purpose or reason.
And I do bring value into other people's lives and my surroundings just by being,
right?
Yeah.
And that's a big part of it.
And I feel like there's a lot of people out there that are in that stuck place or they feel
lost and they feel all this pressure to find their purpose.
And they think it should be, it should look a certain way to be like this big, massive
thing.
And I find myself telling people sometimes like, it doesn't necessarily have to be some
big, massive, like, you're, you want to change.
You're million lives.
It could just be, you know, I want to bring joy to the people around me.
I want to keep my family connected and show them I love them.
And that's, that's my purpose, you know?
And you really have to, I think it's, it's hard for people to get clear.
Like, I feel like there's a lot of people listening right now who are probably like, well, I'm
so glad that you guys know what your purpose is.
So how do I find, how do I find, how do I find mine and how do I, how do I decide what, you
know, you know, you know, what my motivator is?
You know, so like for, for a long time, I thought my motivator was safety also.
And then I was like, I can't remember where I saw this.
It was a workshop I did, like an entrepreneurial workshop.
Oh my gosh, I can remember who did this, but it was like, it was called a seven levels deep
or something like that.
And you asked a question seven times about why you wanted something.
So say, you know, I said, you know, my motivator was security or safety, right?
Well, why?
And then after that answer, well, why, why?
And it like, like, like, Doug, you like deeper.
And ever since I did that exercise, I was like, I went, I think my motivator is freedom.
You know?
And for a long time, I was very happy with that definition.
And, and I think now, at, now that I'm older, I'm at a different turning point in my life.
So do you, my question to you is, do you think that these things change over time?
Like as you move through different parts of your life?
I mean, I do think that you become more self aware of who you are.
I would say it's more that you come full circle.
Yeah, because I think like I've become more with age, my seven year old self.
And I think like when I think about all the people I've coached, you know, it's, it's,
they go back full circle.
And I think it's like we, we first spend a good part of our lives trying to amend ourselves
to society and to people.
Yeah.
And then we go back to who we really are.
So sometimes people can stay the same because they know who they, they, there's some people
that are better at counseling than always than others.
Mm-hm.
And then there's others who are more prone, right?
Like people pleasing and, and I'm one of those, right?
So then it's a much more full circle journey of when you're more comfortable to be who
you are.
Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah.
And maybe start to think about like one, one way of, you know, like living your purpose
every day is how you solve problems for people every day.
You know, one exercise, I think for listeners is like, um, that I have people I coached
to is like, go back in time.
Like I have them go tell me, tell me when you helped, how you, if you were to remember your
whole life, right?
Remember someone like it's your, if it's your funeral, and they're talking about how
you helped them.
And they have that memory and that scene.
And it's like, go back in your life of like when you were seven, when you helped someone,
how did you help them?
What was the situation?
What was the scenario?
Why they come to you at 17 at 22, at 27, right?
30 and you start to see the trends.
Mm-hm.
That you've been helping people, people have sought you out for the same type of things over
the years.
And it's like the, the context might change by how you help them is similar.
Mm-hm.
But you haven't really changed that much and how you help people solve problems, right?
And so the question then is when purpose can be exciting because it's like, okay, so I
have this gift of helping people solve problems in a certain way.
And then you can think about the legacies like, how do you want to from now on?
Help people.
Mm-hm.
Because maybe it wasn't who you wanted to help, but who do you want to help now?
Yeah.
Or what?
Or because it could be some people, you know, it's like,
animals or the environment or something, right?
But how do you want to contribute?
How do you have this opportunity to?
And sometimes it scares people because you want to know, right?
If you're as safety as a motivator, you kind of want the control of, I want to know exactly
what's going to happen, but instead you can see it as an opportunity of where you could
define it.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think the whole safety thing for me was like you said, like a trauma kind of a
thing.
Yeah.
I feel like the freedom thing was also kind of like a part of that, to a certain rate.
Yeah, my true.
Yeah.
And now that I'm stepping out of that, and I'm like, maybe it's like what you said, it's
just this, this, this, uh, progress where I'm just coming back to myself and I just feel
completely comfortable.
And yeah, and I feel like there's, I, when I see somebody get to that point when they're
younger, it makes me so happy because I'm like, oh, I wish I could have gotten to that
point when I was a little bit younger.
But then at the same time, I feel like, well, this is my, this is my life.
This is the way it was supposed to play out.
And it played out that way for a reason.
And the people that I'm helping, I've, I've been with and connected to the people that I'm
supposed to help and the people that are supposed to help me at those times in my life.
And so, um, I feel like, you know, I don't, I don't feel like this, um, this enormous
pressure anymore to be like, this is my purpose and I have to work towards my purpose.
And I don't think, I don't think it should really feel like work if that's, uh, yeah, right
word.
It should feel very natural and kind of like flowy to, um, me in your purpose.
And it took me a long time to figure that out.
Um, I was a people, please are also for like a really long time.
And like professional, like top level people, classic.
Oh, yeah, yeah, same.
You know?
And so when you're in that place, it's, it's a journey back to get out of that, you know,
and I feel like it never completely goes away.
It's so like entrenched in everything that you've done for a lot of your adult life that it
kind of, you're like, oh, I'm doing that again.
Yeah, you know, kind of, oh, yeah.
No, no, you never, it's, it's, we're, we're helping the people like to chat
is behind. Exactly. We get more tools. We get more ability because it also has
like a diamond sight to it. Right? Like being a people pleaser also means you
have a big heart. And you care a lot. So there's a positive side to it, but
it's always keeping and balanced the shadow side. Right. So that's never gonna
stop existing. That you learn how to balance it better and you learn how to
also be like, I can give it to who I choose. And then also then I can receive. I
think that has been the biggest part for me too is learning to receive. Yeah.
You're like, I don't you feel uncomfortable receiving. Yeah. I don't anymore.
Right. I'm very comfortable receiving now, but I used to be extremely
uncomfortable with it. And now that I'm, you know, kind of on the other side
of that when somebody else does that when somebody when I see somebody else
that's really uncomfortable receiving, I'm like, I noticed it. It's something I
noticed, you know, I didn't used to notice that before. And you can help them. Is
there a certain type of person that you seem to gravitate towards that you
work with? Yes. Yeah. So you know, it's my it's it's me in the past, right? The
person who I help is my younger son. So it's the high I call it the high
achiever with the heart. Yeah. Right. So it's the high achieving trail blazer that
has the bleeding heart. That's who I help. So it's like the change maker, the
overgiver, the person who wants to do good in society, but also holding it
together for all their family and friends. Yeah. That's who I help. But also
like the, but it's the person that's the high achiever. Right. So does
everything is a person everyone relies on and leans on best sufferers and
silence. Mm hmm. What's what's great about understanding who I help too is that I
understand too, because I like I post on social media and things I understand
that they're not going to be the ones that are like heavy commenters and things
right? Because they're not going to be the ones who want to be publicly known
that they're getting. Yeah. They want to be more private. So I understand that too,
right? That's why like a group community is never going to be like, where you
know you have those communities where people are just like, talking about
their feelings, they're never going to be that unless I can create some space
with that, which I've been able to do through the through the breath work. They
are going to speak as they're intentionally going to that. But there's
there's other places where they're not, right? Because there's like a
personal image they have to keep and things. And I understand that because I
was that person and that everything's a journey. So even like coming to terms
with being who you want to be the feeling of the lost, the feeling of
having to look a certain way, you know, I would even like always used to blow
dry my hair perfectly straight and looked a certain way. So I, you know, I know
what that's like. And now it's like what you're saying about the freedom
even having like if you see this on video, having my hair like be whatever and
wear bracelets, all that is part of that is embracing that child like person.
But that's that's who I help. And that's like the book I wrote was for them
because I barely saw any books tailored to the high achiever that was an
account that was vulnerable, right? So all the books that we read on high
achieving people, their success. Yeah. But it's not on all the messy ups and
downs that come with it and all the suffering and silence that comes in the
middle of all that and and so yeah. So it was, I wrote that even as a healing
process for myself and I was like, yeah, everyone's going to know and would have
thought all that messiness that I went through my life through like even people
reached out to me, you are going through that then. But have you seen the fine,
right? With the smile? Yeah. So tell me tell me more about the book, share, share
a little bit about the book with me. Yeah. So the book is, it's called creating
your limitless life. But I have crossed out chasing the American dream.
Okay. Yeah. And so I talk about that about like, well, because my story starts
with my, I was born in a car on my, I was given three weeks to live in my
parents, my dad won the lottery and saved my life. Wow. So interesting.
So it starts that way. And so, but it had a double effect on me. And I know
that that's naturally me because the people pleasing over giving tendency.
So how I interpreted that was one, I was raised to be just to survive, right?
So I wasn't given the, oh, oh, oh, as to have all these dreams, right?
It was like, oh my gosh, you're so fragile. So let's just create you the survival,
right? And that that's enough. But then what I did was I was like, well,
I have no space to be a burden or talk about things that I want, right?
I didn't deserve to do that. So they created this high achiever in me where I was
like, I wanted to give back to them. I wanted to give back to society.
I was given this opportunity, but at the same time, that fueled depression and
anxiety, right? Because I was constantly being for everyone else, but
depleting myself. Yes. Yeah. So I talk about that journey.
So you could see like, I had the whole high achiever thing. And I went to
Swarth, Marigam, I PhD from Berkeley, I worked at all these places, right?
Like everything, like every success you can think of, right?
I obtained. But then I would at the expense,
expense of relationships, expense of friendships, the expense of, you know,
being lonely, right? Of a lot of things. And so the book goes through that
journey. And then how do you break free from that? And then it's, and then I
have the whole chapter on how do you discover your purpose? And so then I
talk about the different models that exist around purpose, but I always found
them a little incomplete. And maybe other people will start to write to, right?
To, to, I own, to the old model that, that worked for me. But it allows
people to introspect like these were the questions to ask yourself, right?
Then I had to ask myself like, what? Because then I hit rock bottom with all
the checkmarks. I couldn't understand that. And no one around me could
understand that they're like, you have the perfect life, right? You have
the house, the career, the this. And I was in a job that gave back to, but
it was something not right. Yeah. And so how do you find that alignment? And so
that the book then the second part of the book is is all those questions.
And then I have a workbook because people, the workbook came after because
then I got a demand for, well, I want to do the exercises and deeper. Yeah.
So then I created the, the workbook.
Very cool. Very cool. I love that. So you said, you, you said something earlier when
you were talking about the type of person that you work with. And you said they
suffer in silence. Yeah. And equate them through the, the breath work. So tell
me a little about that. Yeah. Yeah. So it's really hard to be vulnerable.
Yeah. This, this, this high cheaper with the heart, right? Well, one,
you don't want to burn it in anyone, right? So sometimes people confuse
it. And they're like, oh, it's because the person wants to keep a persona.
But it's actually a lot deeper than that. It's because they don't want to burn in anyone
with their emotions and their feelings. Just like, because you know, I guess,
like, I want to like create some empathy around the paper. Like, oh, it's because
they want to appear to have perfect life. And I'm like, nah, not exactly.
So the breath work, what I love about breath work was that one, it helped me because
I tried meditation without the breath work. And I still love meditation and
sound healing, but it doesn't silence my mind.
You have like all the list and all the people, right? Constantly.
Of what do you need to do? When you need to do it? Who you need to please?
Oh, you know, constantly. And breath work was one of those practices.
And it's actively and it's guided, right? You don't have to think about where you
have to go and someone's talking the whole time and telling in your, and you have
to focus on breathing and save with the breath. Yeah.
For me, and for other people, it's sometimes with yoga, with yoga,
I wasn't able to exactly connect fully with myself either. I still enjoy the practice.
I think everyone should try all practices.
But the breath work I was able to create community around them, actually, do it in person
and virtual. In the sense that I would invite everyone to come and create the environment of,
we're all going to do this together as a group. And this is a safe space and it's intentional.
People actually do it for 45 minutes. And when you finish that practice,
it's so emotional and it's so raw that that's what allows a lot of the people who are the high
achievers to once one person shares in the circle. So I like, and I why I do it in the circles because
I follow the indigenous mind, that you know, tradition where you do it in community, you do in the
circle, you do it to talk after, to put decisions and things. And so there is where people feel safe
than to say, this is the, this is what came up to me in the vision or they start listening to other
people and then they feel like they can talk and they won't be judged there. And I usually combine
the communities so that people it's like, they don't have anywhere in them. No one there is from
their work or from their family, right? It's a space. No one knows you. So you get to just
be x person. You don't have to give your real name. Yeah. So it allows people to actually like
communicate and release without judgment. You do these like online or like now I do it online. I
didn't have a person for a long time. And I did it with my, my husband, we both do together. And then
I now we do it online because become global. It's not just in one place. And that way, and actually
the globalness allows people to even feel even safer because they're like, have this person
isn't even in my city, right? Yeah. So I even make the invite where your email address is not shown,
right? So it's like a safe, confidential, you can even have your camera off. You can put another name,
but allow people to communicate and express without judgment or fear. Yeah. Yeah. I love, I've had the
same experience with breath work. There's been like a few practices and I'm a, I'm a breath work
instructor and mental. Yeah. I love that. I saw that. I was like, oh, it's like, what?
Yeah. I really, it really was life changing for me. It was like a different path. I used it
really as I was like going through menopause. And I had like a lot of, um, sleep issues. And then like
also blood pressure changes and, um, extra anxiety levels, like your anxiety levels go like
crazy when you go through menopause. And so breath work was so instantaneous, you know, and I'm
always been the type of person. Like I'm very spiritual. Um, but I always like, I love connecting
the science behind spiritual practice. Me too. Yeah. And it's like breath work is one of one of those
things that's so easy to do. That's when I, when I have a client who, you know, doesn't really
understand why I'm, you know, why I'm telling them to try breath work. I explain the science behind it.
Exactly. Sometimes, you know, they automatically connect with that first.
Same thing. Same as with the high-tune. I, I lure them in with the science only. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. And it's a variety. It brings oxygen to the back, you know, back of your brains,
going to open your creative outlet, your intuition, yeah. But then when they have a whole
spiritual experience as well. Yeah. Yes. Exactly. So I do, I do love it. I also really like yoga
knee draw. That's been really life-changing for me. Have you ever tried that?
I've heard about it. I haven't tried it yet. Yeah. You should really try it. I'm actually
going through a certification right now. So just kind of like learning about the whole process of it
and how it works. And what it actually does for you is, and I started doing that for the sleep
issues that I was having also. And it was like, I was like, this, I love this so much that I have to
learn how to do it. I have to figure this. I have to learn why it works, you know? That's just how
I am. And so I'm doing that right now. I'm the same way. That's that's why the breath work we got
certified. Because we're like, I have to learn all about it. Yeah. And I, and I maybe we could
probably talk after about this. Because I don't, I don't know if my listeners are genuinely interested
in this, but I've done multiple different certifications. And I just feel like I'm constantly searching
for more when it comes to the breath work. I just want to learn more. So it's very, it's very interesting.
When you, when you talk about your, your, the client that you work with a lot and you say they suffer
in silence, why, why do you think that is? Why do you think that they stay at that point?
Yeah, it's, it's the deep things, right? It's the, I don't want to be a burden to my friends or to my
surroundings. Okay. And then it's also like, yeah, I, a big part of it's the burden part. Okay.
I don't want to burden them. I'm the one people come to for solutions. And, oh, yeah. Yeah. And so then
I don't want to have to, yeah, they need help. So how can they help me? Yes. And they're not going to
understand me is the other one. No one's going to understand what I'm going through. And then it's
also like, it's also happy. It's, it's also like one, you've been holding it for everyone for so long
that you don't even know how to ask for help. And I can say that like I, I still am learning how to
ask for help. Like even this year was a hard year. I feel like 2025 was, it was a difficult year.
And, um, God, yeah, like a roller coaster roller coaster. And even this year, like I could say,
I started to feel a little bit like my avid, you know, my person again, right? This is a good
saying. We're always going through it. Because this year, like, you know, so many people, right,
lost their jobs in this. So this year, I did like 12, 1200 coaching hours. And like, I don't need
400, right? We have a social enterprise. We donate 30%. But the amount of requests I was getting for,
I need help. But I am for like wanting help for free from my friends and my circle.
Or to be really overwhelming and affecting my mental health. Because I was like, I, I can't, I have
to cap at 30%. And when I wasn't responding to folks, um, when you start, people start getting used
to you giving, angry when you don't get it, right? And don't understand why you can't or they push.
Like, well, when can you? Why can't you? Right? And, uh, for me, I had reached a tipping point this year,
the amount, the amount. I found myself being my person again, like suffering in silence, where I was
like, I'm so overwhelmed by it. I'm, I'm, I'm, and I'm usually the high energy person. Right?
You're like, high energy. I, you know, like, I have the high functioning anxiety, you know, but I can do it.
And I have my methods. But this year, I was like, wow, I think they're reached a tipping point.
And I found myself in my person again, being like, well, but instead of,
she asked, instead of, um, going to people for help, I retreated.
Okay. I found myself retreating because I'm like, they're already going through so much. So I,
I was like, whoa, I am the person I help. I, you know, revisiting that chapter again,
where I understand it because I'm like, I don't want to be a burden for all these folks are going
through so much. I'm gonna understand. Or when you do ask somebody, they're just like, well,
just have boundaries. Yeah. I know. I know. It's a bigger issue than that. It's, um,
yeah, so I can tell them no and all these things. But how do I open up? Right? How do I get the support I
need during that time of being, being comfortable with not being able to help everyone? Like,
because there is, it's more than just boundaries work. It's also understanding that it's okay.
It's, it's the, you can't sleep because you're like worried about the world, or about people
suffering or about, you know, some, a lot of people are worried about their team or the person and
you're caring every once worries. Yeah. So how do you, that's the suffering in science? You're caring
at all. And how do you find a place, right? To be able to talk about that and release that other
than like therapy with your support network. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like, I feel like, I feel like,
you and I are living on the same plane because, yeah, the coaching got really hard this year. And,
and it was different for me. I, I love that you do, like, you give the 30% and I think that's,
that's, that's absolutely beautiful. Um, but I'm not doing that. Like, I'm not giving away my coaching.
And I, it's, I, it wasn't the amount of coaching I was doing because I, I was doing maybe a little
bit more coaching. It was more about the heaviness. Yeah. I was going to, yeah, exactly. It was so
amazing. Yeah. And I began to like, having to do like, yeah, I began having to limit the days I'm
coaching. So I changed the days I was coaching. And I had to do practices in between. So I had to leave
spaces in between the coaching for me to like, almost do like some breath work or a clearing or like,
some, some kind of energy work to, yeah. Like, be able to show up for the next person. Exactly. Exactly.
Yeah. And so, yeah. And it's led to a big change in my, a very big change in business. And I'm
still actually moving through that. Like, I still don't know what that's going to look like next year,
but I know it's going to be different. Same, same. It's really weird. Yeah. Same. And I think the
listeners can relate to because, you know, we're talking about a coaching space, right? But it could be,
you could be the one that's holding it for all your friends right now. Yeah. You can't. Exactly.
And it's tough. And that's the suffering and silence part because how do you explain that?
Right? How do you explain? It's even hard to explain, right? Because when the minute,
I was like, exactly the heaviness, but it's caring that is, is so, is so much. And it's, that's
what I mean about the receiving is, what kind of thing do you need to receive to help with that?
And I'm still figuring that out. And how do you still show up, right? Without, without the
draining. Yes. That's the toughness. Like even like, I'm, you know, the stuff that I'm moving through is,
I still want to see my friends. But I can't, but I can't be in a space where they're asking me, you
know, like, because it's, it's a, it's a slippery slope when you become a coach because it's your
gift that you've also given to your friends, right? Like in throughout your whole life. You've been
there de facto coach it somewhere, but now it's also who you are as a business. So when you see
them, there's some of that blend. And so how do you still show up with the people you love without
draining? And, and I'm still figuring that out. So that's when the suffering of silence comes in,
because then you retreat. And I'm still trying to figure out, I don't want to do a full retreat,
but I also, I need to also be like, now I'm, I'm practicing scripts with myself of being like,
yes, I want to hang out with his friends and I don't want to talk about the heaviness of the world or
anything, anything heavy going on in our lives. Can we just meet up for, can we do coffee, can we do
friends and like play games or something? And like that has helped a little bit where then I'm not
worried about going to a space and having to carry more. But it's that's the part of asking.
Yes, my, my kids, so my kids are all adults, you know, my oldest is
33 and my youngest is 25. And, but my kids, I would say my daughters are really, really good at that.
And, and I mean, we have a really good relationship, so maybe they feel very comfortable
talking to me that way, because they know I'm not going to respond badly. I'll just accept it.
You know, so like one of my daughters will say to me, like if I start talking about the heaviness
of the world or things that are going on in the world, you know, my oldest will be like, yeah,
I don't have the capacity for that right now, mom. Yeah, I'm just not, I'm, I'm, I got my head in the
sand and I prefer to be that way right now. And I'm like, okay, and then we just change the subject.
Yeah, like she's so, she's comfortable saying that to me and I get that, because I get, I get
to that space too sometimes. Yeah. I just don't want to, I just want to feel light and, exactly.
You know, and focus on that. And it's, it's, it's, uh, for you. Right? I mean, that's, what's beautiful.
I suppose, but they, they're just really, when I was their age, I was not good at that. So,
no, no, no, me either. But we then pass on what we've learned, right? Yeah.
Yeah, my youngest is really good at that. Like setting boundaries. I've always been, like,
breast with her where she calls me when she's walking to work. She lives in the city. And so she,
that's when we talk when she's walking to work and she'll be like, you know, we'll be talking,
she'll be like, she'll set the boundary at the beginning of the phone call. She'll be like,
as soon as I get to the park, I'm going to get off because I just want to listen to music before I go in.
Yeah. So she sets the boundary and then she's like, okay, I'm at the park. Okay, I'll talk to you later.
See you later. Bye. Yeah. I'm like, yep. Like, I admire that because never would I have ever done
that one. I'm in my 20s. Yeah. But you, but I'm sure they learned that from you, you know,
because those are part of like the scripts I even have my workbook and I had to like set it.
And when you set expectations, everyone's fine, right? Yeah.
Because then you have to think you're like, okay, I know what to expect. And it's when people react
badly when they don't know what to expect. Yeah. That's, I told, I'm like that myself. So going
into that subject of, because this, this podcast is all about self-care. And everyone we've been
talking about as far as I'm concerned is self-care. Yeah, definitely. And but going into, I believe
those different levels of self-care. So you have, you have the self-care where you're doing like the
breath work and the bubble baths and, you know, tea with a friend or something like that. And then
you have that deeper level of self-care of learning how to set boundaries and maintain them and,
and stuff like that. So going into like that more of a surface level self-care, what are some of the
things that you really like hold on to for yourself that really, really help keep your cup filled so that
you have that resilience to move through your life. Exactly. Yeah. For me, I think,
and I'm, there's a couple things I'm trying to think about it. So we're talking, we're going to do more
the surface level, right? Yeah, yeah. Surface levels self-care for me is I have to spend,
like 15 minutes before going to bed and I'm talking about this earlier with a celebration calendar.
And that's my own time. And I'm not celebrating milestones. So I think that's, and that's a big thing
for me because I was always celebrating the destination. I have to celebrate living my values,
who I helped, like that I wanted to help or something I could celebrate for that day. And that's,
that's mine. And so I have like those calendars you get in the mail, I fill it up every day. And it
could be like anything. So I feel, because I was a high achiever, I feel guilty when I rust, even
the rest of resilience, right? I mean, resilience is resistance is all sorts of things, but I still
have that in green. And so I'll celebrate that if I have a day of rest. And I came back from the
holidays. I was exhausted, I was helping my sister host. And I decided even this Monday,
I was like, you know what, I'm just going to binge watch a show all day, but I have quite the guilt
of, yeah, I've been down all day watching a binge show. There's so many things to do. So I think
yeah, and I celebrate that on my counter, I'm like, I just binge watch the show all day, I rested
that and I decided to rest. And so that, and that's part of the freedom, right? So one of the things
I values freedom. And so I then, because then at night I can change it from guilt to being like,
look, you're living one of your values, you wanted freedom. Freedom allows you a Monday to binge watch.
Right? So I'm living that value that I'm resting. It's filling my cup to just spend a day doing that.
And that it's okay. And it doesn't mean that I'm letting go responsibilities or anything. It is what it
is nice. And, and so that's part of like my own thing that's mine. Because the breath care, breath,
breath care, breath work, I do it in community. The other things like, like you said, like the
superficial things I do on my own. And they're really important to me. But this one is like, I have to do it
every day. It's mine and my, my own. No one shares it. It's, it's my calendar that then I can like reflect on,
I can look after the whole year. And keeps me in tune. I also have remorning and it's different for
everybody. It's like, it's, it's the tools I worked for you to get you out of rock bottom, right? And so
for me and that you use every day. Yeah. The other one is I wake up and I read testimonials of people
I've helped. And I mean testimonials, not just business like anything, like somebody messages me
and like, you really help me get through that or like that of people I care or like you gave me,
you know, I feel, you know, I, I was thinking of like abandoning everything and now I have
purpose or meaning, right? Five of those each morning. Yeah. Myself of like my value and,
and what's my, my service, but to be surprised with synchronicity too, like, you know, a lot of these
weren't expected and to go into that. And I also love tarot. So, out of readings and, and there's
science behind it too, right? There's science that speaks to your subconscious and, and so, yeah,
those are the things that are mine. I love doing tarot in the morning. I, right? I love it too.
I think it's so much fun. I love doing that. That's a beautiful practice, by the way. I've never heard
of anyone say anything like that. And I think that's a beautiful practice to have too. It's a really
good check-in with yourself every day that you're living in alignment with yourself. And that's a
really cool way to do it. So, I appreciate you sharing that. That was really cool. So, how can people
find you and connect with you? What's the best places? Instagram, I'm there under B-Act Change. So,
like, be yourself, take action, change the world. Okay. And I mean, take action as that, like, alignment,
he liked self-awareness and anything, right? Whatever revision, you know? So, I'm there and I'm,
I respond to all my DMs. So, they're Instagram's the best place. And then I'm also, like, on LinkedIn,
or under my name. But yeah, so, I, the Instagram is where my community is. I get a lot of my
conversations is through stories, right? So, I'll do stories and people respond. And so, I love the,
the building that community, and my people prefer one-on-one. So, I enjoy that a lot. And so, yeah,
you could find me on Instagram and I also have my book if you want to learn more about it. And
you can do the work. And yeah. That would be cool. Yeah, I'll put those links in the show notes so
people can connect with you. I want to thank you for coming on today and sharing that
personal story at the end. And that was beautiful. And thank you for the work that you're doing in
the world. Same! This is awesome. Thank you. Can't see anything on here. There we are.
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