Hey guys, welcome back to the Soul Aligned Self-Care Podcast.
Like I said, today we're talking about
that stuck feeling you're getting.
And maybe you've experienced this,
maybe that's why you're listening.
Maybe you felt stuck for a long time,
maybe it's something new, maybe you've been stuck
and you just can't seem to get moving.
I've experienced all these things
and I've definitely talked about this before,
but one of the things I've realized now later in my life
is that it's kind of like a cycle.
You move into something new, you do it for a while
and then eventually it feels a little stagnant.
You need a change and that's when you get
like kind of that stuck feeling.
But sometimes you stay there longer.
And so I wanna talk about that today
because that's what I'm experiencing right now.
I tend to talk about things on the podcast
that I'm like going through in the moment
and I like to share with you what I'm experiencing
and how I seem to kind of like move through these things.
So one of the things I notice when I get stuck
and I stay there for too long,
it's deeply uncomfortable.
And it gets to a point where you can't ignore it.
And that's when you start to take action
when being stuck is more uncomfortable
than the fear of moving forward.
So also I think that this time of the year,
people tend to get a little antsy.
It's the end of the year.
Maybe you're not happy with the direction your life went in.
Maybe you thought you were going to do more in the past year.
Maybe you said you were gonna do all these things
and you didn't do them and you wanna kind of move on that.
So one of the things I want to talk about is that this isn't like,
let's move into this new year's resolution type thing.
I don't really do new years resolutions.
But this is more like, I'm feeling really stagnant in my life.
And now I need to change something and move forward.
And there's a couple of things that you have to do
to move through that.
So I'm gonna move into this podcast series
and it's gonna be three separate podcasts.
This is gonna be the first one.
And then there's gonna be two more towards the end
of through December.
And it's gonna lead into this little mini reset
that I'm doing in between the Christmas and the new year
to help you kind of really start your new year off
in the best possible positioning as you can.
And one of the things that you need to do when you're feeling stuck
is you need to know where you wanna go.
Because if you don't know where you wanna go,
you can't point yourself in that direction.
And so that's part of what I'm going to be talking about.
So as I said, I've been going through this myself.
And I feel like this is one of the biggest chefs
that I'm making in my life.
I don't know why I feel that way.
I can't really give you some kind of definitive reason.
It just feels really big.
It feels like a new era, like a new identity.
And I'm actually moving to a new state.
So I have all these big new things happening.
I'm moving, I'm changing my business.
Investing in parts of my business.
And I just feel like I'm moving into a new version of myself.
I feel different inside.
And a lot of the people I'm talking to right now
are also in the same place.
So I feel like this is some kind of a group awakening kind of thing.
People are tired of kind of looping,
tired of pretending to be something that they're not,
tired of doing things that they don't wanna do,
tired of staying small and tired of the familiar aspect
of where they're at.
Not that being in a familiar place is bad.
I don't think that's bad at all.
As long as it's something that you want, you know?
So I think what's going on is people are awakening up
to the fact that they do things all day long
that they don't wanna do.
So for example, maybe they go to a job
and they're working eight plus hours a day,
doing something they don't wanna do.
And meanwhile, maybe their kids are in daycare
and somebody else is raising their kids
and it just feels off.
I think people are just waking up to how off that is,
how off it feels to work like 95% of your life
at this point for most people
and not be able to do the things you wanna do,
not be able to live your life
because even after working all this time,
a lot of people are just making ends meet.
They're not having that extra and that enjoyable aspect.
Now that's not everybody.
A lot of people do and have a lot of joy
and enjoy doing things.
But there's a large majority of the population who doesn't.
So what are some of the reasons that we say
stuck longer than we should?
So I would just say sometimes,
and this is definitely the case for me,
we are prioritizing comfort over like living our lives.
And I think that after COVID,
my prime function was making myself feel comfortable
and secure because COVID made me feel very insecure
and not safe, right?
And so I prioritized making myself feel safe and comfortable.
And I think I just got stuck there
because it was safe and comfortable.
I mean, obviously.
So, and then I really outgrow this fast
and it became uncomfortable,
but I didn't really know how to move forward, right?
So I kind of outgrow this situation,
this perspective of myself,
and I know I knew I needed to move forward,
but I didn't know what I needed to do differently.
Also, sometimes your nervous system is clinging
to what's familiar because it thinks change is danger.
Right?
So your brain is designed to keep you alive, not keep you happy.
And so if it's keeping you in a place that's safe
and anything outside of that safe circle equals danger,
then you're gonna fight with yourself over that change.
You're really gonna have to push out of that
because your brain is trying to keep you safe.
And I think that was part of it for me too,
hence the whole COVID thing
and then making myself feel safe and comfortable.
And then now, and then feeling uncomfortable
and then trying to push out of that
and not being able to do it was like this fight with myself.
And I think a lot of people have experienced this.
I've talked to quite a few people,
still experiencing this.
So also, a lot of times you've been running
on survival energy for so long that like dreaming feels like risky.
So just doing something outside of that survival mechanism
feels like super risky, okay?
Which is kind of the same thing as your nervous system
protecting you.
Okay, and then obviously you're scared to want more
because wanting requires being honest with yourself
about some of the changes you made.
So maybe you're in a place where when you make these changes,
other people aren't gonna be happy about it.
And you know you're gonna get some like, you know,
backlash from it and you just don't feel like doing that.
You don't have the capacity for it.
So there's so many different reasons why you might be stuck.
Also, I think sometimes when we stay in the stuck state
for too long, it might also be,
there might be a reason to it.
Like sometimes we need some space to rest.
Sometimes things in the universe need to rearrange themselves
and order for you to move forward.
So sometimes, you know, and I definitely went through this
where I was like, you know what?
Maybe I'm standing still because I need to rest
because once I move into that next era of my life,
I'm not gonna have a lot of time to rest.
Maybe I'm gonna be really busy.
So maybe I should embrace this time for a time of rest,
a time to like think to myself what I really want
and get laser focused and really, really clear
on what I want so that when I do move forward,
that I'm moving in the right direction.
So sometimes the universe might create that space for you
to sit there for a while so that you could really think
about what you wanna do and you could really get the rest
before like that surge of energy
that you're gonna need to move forward.
I think also, you know, eventually,
you're gonna like reach a place where like I said,
the discomfort of being stuck is gonna be greater
than the discomfort of the change that you have to make
and that's it, that's all you need.
And, you know, so I don't think stuck is necessarily a bad thing.
Like people, when people feel stagnant and stuck,
sometimes they're like, oh, this is like the worst thing
in the world and I went through that myself,
but then sometimes you need that space.
The pressure that you feel to move is embrace that pressure
and use that as the momentum you need.
So when your life starts to feel like too tight, too small,
too repetitive, it's because you're being asked to move.
And yes, this time of year with the New Year coming,
it doesn't like magically fix anything.
You're not gonna like set all these goals
and they're gonna magically happen,
you're gonna magically move forward,
but it is like a psychological reset point
that a lot of people have and your body kind of recognizes that.
And what I love about winter is winter gives us the space
for change, it gives us that going in word time
where we get to think about what we want,
we get to really, like I said, get laser focused
on the things that we want.
And, you know, when you're in the summer,
you're so busy, you're doing all the stuff,
you're traveling, you're, you know, you're going to barbecues,
I don't know whatever you're outside,
I'm outside gardening like 24/7.
Winter is completely different because I'm, you know,
for me at least I'm not outside, you know,
I'm not spending, I have a lot of free time.
And so winter for me is the perfect time
to like really establish, you know, the direction I want to go in.
So this is the season when people feel that tension
between who they've been and who they're becoming, right?
And like I said, that tension is not bad, it's momentum,
it really creates that movement for you.
So a couple of questions that you could ask yourself.
And you could use these to journal a little bit.
And these three podcast episodes are going to be,
not too long, I don't want to make them too long
because I want you to like really think about
some of the things to help you move forward.
If you're in this stuck place
or if you want some changes in your life,
so this series is going to be for you.
And then next week, you know, I'll have like the next step
and then the week after that, the next step.
So that you could slowly move out of this
and then move into the new year with some really cool like,
aligned momentum.
So a few questions to journal on.
What part of your life has felt like almost right for too long?
So almost right, like it feels, it's not, you know,
it's not the greatest, but it's also not too bad.
And sometimes you say to yourself, you know, you talk to yourself
and you say things like, I should be happy,
I should be thankful, I have all the things that I have.
I'm really lucky, but it just doesn't feel right
and it hasn't felt right for a long time.
Or it's just not, it's not exactly what you want.
It's a little off, like you're almost like settling kind of.
So like do some journal work and before you go into the journaling,
maybe close your eyes and take a few deep breaths
and get into that relaxed state,
I always say that doing journal work is like having a conversation
with your subconscious.
But in order to do that, in order to really be open,
you have to get yourself into a relaxed state.
And your journaling will be so much more powerful
if you do this for yourself.
So take a few minutes, take a few deep breaths, close your eyes
and really get relaxed.
And as I said, what part of your life has felt almost right
for too long?
Maybe it's more than one part too.
Maybe it's like, maybe you need to revamp everything.
That's kind of how I feel right now.
I feel like almost every part of my life is changing
and it's like super exciting and super scary at the same time
and I absolutely love it.
Okay, another question that you can ask yourself
is where have you been settling
because the alternative feels a little scary or too scary
or big scary?
And this is definitely me, absolutely.
Like I said, I was stuck in that comfort zone
because I felt like I was keeping myself safe.
So everything kind of felt scary.
And I've definitely probably for the past five years,
I've been settling on so many things,
staying small on so many things
because the alternative just felt too big, too scary.
And frankly, I really did not have the mental capacity for it.
I'm just gonna be honest, like I just, it was too much.
And I feel like, like I said, the discomfort just got
to be enough to push me forward.
That's all, that's the only thing that's changed, I think.
So that's a really good question to ask yourself,
where have you been settling
because the alternative feels scary?
Another one would be,
like as we move into this winter season,
like I said, there's a lot of space in the winter season.
If you had permission to start over,
what is the first thing that you would drop out of your life?
You would get rid of that you think is just,
you should stop doing?
This is like a really interesting question
because it's not about like what do you wanna move towards?
It's about what do you wanna let go of?
And I think what's nice about kind of defining that,
it creates that space, that vacuum.
'Cause as soon as you make space,
you take something out that you've been doing for so long,
maybe that's just not aligned and you're letting it go
and you're not gonna do it anymore.
And this is definitely something I've been doing in my business,
letting go of some things and bringing new things
into my business that I really, really enjoy
and kind of letting go of the things
that I don't enjoy as much anymore.
When you do that, you create space for new things.
And automatically, it's like,
it's like automatically the universe responds.
Like I said, it's a vacuum.
Like you're getting rid of this and the universe is like,
okay, here's what you want now.
Like now here's the thing that you've been wanting.
You just had to create a little space for it.
(laughs)
So that's a really, really good question
because instead of focusing on the direction you wanna go in,
you're creating the space for yourself
to then focus on where you wanna go.
So as I said, next week I'm gonna show you
how to move out of this hold and pattern that you might be in.
Even if it's a small hold and pattern
and it's not your whole life like myself,
but how can you move,
how can you move out of the hold and pattern slowly,
without like blowing up your whole life, okay?
Even though I'm making some really, really big changes,
I'm not blowing up my life.
I'm doing it in a way that feels really,
it's uncomfortable and comfortable at the same time.
So maybe the right word is, it's uncomfortable and scary,
but it's still like, I'm doing it in a safe way
so that I don't feel unsteady or unsure of myself.
So that's what I'm gonna be going over next week.
So number one, I want you to not feel bad
about feeling stuck because sometimes it's the space
that we need in order to, you know, it's almost like,
like you're running this race and all of a sudden,
you can't move forward, like the road is closed, you know?
And you're frustrated because you wanna keep running the race
but you can't move so you like stuck in this space
and you're forced to rest.
So that's almost like what it's like
when you get into like that hold and pattern.
Sometimes it's needed in order to like figure out
where you wanna go, you know, and decide the path you wanna take.
So you're deciding what road you wanna take
in order to get to the place you wanna go.
So the road is closed, you have to find a new way
to get to where you wanna go.
And so you're gonna pause, take the time and figure that out.
And so being stuck can be really beautiful,
could be a beautiful space to be.
And then like I said, next week we're gonna start
to like figure out how we can move into something.
We'll just start that momentum, I should say,
without like I said, blowing up your whole life.
So I hope that this is really helpful for you guys.
I love talking about getting unstuck.
If you want one action set that you could do this week
on top of the journaling I talked about,
that really helps start things up a little bit.
You could just do one tiny thing different
and it could be something that has nothing to do
with where you wanna go.
Maybe you have no idea what you wanna do next
and that's why you're stuck.
But doing things differently in your life
stirs things up sometimes and creates momentum.
So it could be like, it's going to a different coffee shop
in the morning before work,
taking a different path to work, like driving a different way.
It could be changing around your schedule at home
or moving some furniture around or decluttering.
Sometimes when you do that,
it just changes the trajectory of your life
and it creates a little bit of change
enough to feel like that little refreshing nudge.
And so that would be another action set
that you could take this week.
Okay guys, until next week,
I hope you have a wonderful rest of your week.
Okay, bye.
